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Show Me Some Skin
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
So today I see all of my anguish in rose colored glasses. I have finally figured out why I dislike my job and Michigan so much. They truly don't allow me to be myself. All of the little things that I want to do are prevented by being here and working for EDS. I figured out that I don't like telling people how to fix computer problems that 90% of the time that if they had any once of common sense they'd know how to fix themselves. I wish that I could tell them that the support agent their speaking to is a 21 year old with no college experience who didn't even own his own computer for almost 20 years and still manages to know how to do the most basic things with software that somehow escape these rambling morons every single day. I mean seriously take a look at your computer the software isn't ALL THAT HARD to figure out! You know what I'd like to do. I'd like to shave all of my hair into a mohawk dye my hair silver and get my septum pierced and cover my arms in tattoos but you know what? I'll never do that. I'm a fantasizer not a doer. My will for doing has been weakened by years of carefull pruning by my peers, my job, and my parents. I've been reduced to a 21 year old going through a midlife crisis because I was smart enough to figure out that MY JOB SUCKS well before I turned fifty and had to put up with another hellish ten years of it. Well if I can tough this damn job through for another couple of months than hopefully I'll finally find a job that I can enjoy while I go back to college or I can just transfer down to Columbus and get my little ass back to college ask quickly as humanly possible.
"So I'm bailing this town or tearing it down or probably more like hanging around" from Ghost World by Aimee Mann
Monday, November 25, 2002
Have you ever noticed that if you work a 9 to 5 job that you pay for the sins of the weekend on Monday? That's certainly the case today. I walked into work and was immediately slammed but of course I found time to blog. My weekend was fantastic other than the blight of the Ohio State vs Michigan game. What a bunch of poor winners. I don't even really care about the game so much. What I found offensive were the riots afterwards. I mean I know how much men love their football but that's no excuse to do the things they did. Also to be perfectly honest in Michigan the Ohio State/Michigan game isn't that big a deal here in Michigan. Oh well. Other than that my weekend was good. It got off to an interesting start when my bf took me to a house party that a friend of his was having. I didn't know anyone there and it was mostly older men in their 30's, 40's and 50's so I tried to be polite and stay by Patricks side. Well an older queen decided to start poking fun at me for my age in a manner that was very rude in front of a group of his friends. Now I didn't want to create a scene or even say something because it wasn't my party and I didn't want to be rude to the host or embarasse or my bf so I bit my tongue and ignored his comments. However when this same Queen saw me with my bf and made the comment again my bf looked at him with lightning bolts in his eyes and notified the queen that I was his boyfriend. Boy did his story change then HUGE apology. So I spoke to my boyfriend in private and told him that the only reason that I hadn't said something previously was to keep from embarrasing him. My bf then says "No by all means, if he's being rude than you have a right to defend yourself,". So I politely excused myself and went into the bathroom to get my composure. When I was done I decided to seek out the queen. I saw him from across the room and again he stutterlingy apologized and I said to him (only loud enough for him to hear) "You know it's amazing how quickly your tone changed once you realized who my boyfriend was, I'm not the type of person to make a scene especially at a social gathering where I'm not familure with the host, I was raised better than that, but if we were at a club or anywhere else for that matter and you talked to me like that, I'd rip off your goddamn face and piss down your throat,". I want to make a point to say that I'm not a drama queen and I try to avoid confrontation whenever I can but when someone is repeatidly rude to you sometimes it's best to take them down. Other than that the weekend went swimmingly.
"I get away almost everyday with what the girls call, what the girls call, what the girls call, the girls call murder" from GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! by Liz Phair
Friday, November 22, 2002
I would like to tell you about the fantastic time I had at Menjo's that I had last night but I'm still recovering. I promise I'll write more after I try to catch some zzz's at work without my boss finding out.
"You've been around enough to know that if I want to leave you'd better let me go"
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
thank christ. I was having terrible problems posting to my blogs today and my template disapeared but thank goodness the problem was somehow made right. Eveything appears normal. Lets see if I can add those new updates that I made. I hope that you like them.
I'm praying that my problems are resolved with this blog at the moment
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Here are the interesting ways that my little ol slice of the web is showing up on Google and Yahoo 1.me and my big mouth about jockstraps! 2.again with the jockstraps! 3.just cause I like a song called gagged & tied I've come to three conclusions from this. I'm either a lot KINKIER than I thought, I have a very dirty mouth, or jockstraps are way more popular than I thought (there I go saying that word AGAIN)....
Monday, November 18, 2002
So my thought for the day is "Well someone has to pump the gas". This thought occured to me while I was driving back from Columbus this morning from my boyfriends house. I was at the Pilot gas station and went in to get some food and water (this is a normal ritual for me upon leaving Columbus) and I noticed the girl behind the cash register was almost the same age as me if not a little bit older. I was struck by how much it must (for lack of a better word or articulation) suck to work in a gas station in the middle of no where. I thought to myself this is aBIG part of this girls life (most likely at least 6 or 7 hours a day) probably a full work week. It was at that faithfull moment that two things popped in my head. One was "Well someone has to pump the gas" and the second was in my mothers voice (shudder) "you don't realize how good you've got it". I do now. Not to say that this girls life is bad but it's certainly not one that I'd particularly enjoy. I realized something. Not everyone gets to be what they want when they grow up. Some people don't have the means within themselves or the drive to do what they really want and end up working in a gas station in the middle of nowhere for the rest of their life. Hell some people probably like working in a gas station but others find themselves trapped. It's scary to think that even though we are all given the ability to do what ever we want (provided that we are willing to work for it, and that we have the drive to do so) we can (at least in America). What scares me is how often people (including myself) forget that. It's weird that all it took was some girl at a gas station who doesn't even notice my existance to remind me of something that I shouldn't have forgotten in the first place. The one thing that we have in life is the ability to choose some people may argue with me and say that we don't in certain matters but we always do, it's just that sometimes the alternates to the obvious solution aren't as pleasent.
"I walk to the beat of my own drum" from Walk the Walk by Poe
Friday, November 15, 2002
I'm sitting here on a Friday bored out of my skull and waiting to go to lunch. I really dislike my new lunch hour but there's little to nothing that can be done about that. I guess it will just have to be something that I adjust to. Oh well. Lord knows that the company will continue to take away as many perks as they possibly can in order to save money. They'll cut and cut until someone complains. It won't be me. I need this damn job right now despite the fact that I wish I didn't oh well. Not much can be done there. As soon as I can get free I will. We'll see how long that takes.
"I'm gonna get free and ride into the sun" from Get Free by The Vines
Thursday, November 14, 2002
Today work has been so hectic that I've barely had time to breathe let alone think straight. It's as if someone opened the flood gates on the hoover dam. Our new clients are SO demanding and bring with them new problems to solve the likes of which our desk hasn't seen before. It's bizarre and kind of frustrating. Everytime you think that you'll have to seconds to breathe your phone beeps and it's another customer who needs assistance right away. Talk about stress. Oh well. That's life I suppose and I'm glad that I at least have a job even though it's one where they treat you like a pack mule and pile as much stuff on your back as they can without you breaking from the stress. JOY!
"I've said it once before but it bears repeating" from Fell in Love With a Girl by the White Stripes ♠
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Today is bound to be an interesting day because my workload is supposed to double. So far this hasn't been exactly true but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I certainly hope that my workload doesn't double but think that I'll be able to handle it if it does. Other than that life is pretty much normal for me this week. I'm still not talking to my parents which is the best thing I can do for right now. I've also started practicing the guitar again just for a 1/2 hour each night. Hopefully I'll be able to strum out a mean tune by summer time. Other than that everything is pretty normal.
"I've got a crummy job it don't pay near enough to buy the things it takes to win me some of your love" from Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
So last night was probably one of the worst I've had in years. As you may or may not know I live at home with my parents. This normally is not a problem but last night proved to me that it's time for me to settle my accounts here and get my ass on down to Columbus. This all started when my cousin Matt and his Fiancee Puja decided that it was time to get married each member of my family got individual invitations. I thought I'm going to take my boyfriend with me to the wedding. Since he had met my parents and they liked him I didn't see a problem with this (although my exteneded family doesn't know I'm gay). Then it started. My parents didn't want me to bring my boyfriend. I tried to talk to my father about this alone last night and it all boiled down to one thing in my mind. He and my mother are embarrased of the fact that I'm gay and aren't proud enough of me to admit it publically. I think I've always had an idea that this was the case ever since I came out six years ago but I'd thought they'd changed by now and finally accepted me fully but I was wrong. So I basically spent a good portion of last night being completely miserable and decided that until I can move out of my house and get away from my parents that I won't be attending any family functions. I'm just tired of lying about who I am. I don't have the strength for that kind of fight anymore and don't want to be a part of that.
"It doesn't matter what they say, In the jealous game people play" from Our Lips Are Sealed by The Go-Go's
Monday, November 11, 2002
I know that I talk about my boyfriend a lot on this blog. Sometimes it seems that that's all I talk about but it's because he's ALWAYS on my mind. He's been such a big influence on me and made my life so much better. Sometimes I don't think it's real because it's so wonderfull. I've been waiting for years to have this kind of relationship with someone. It's been a dream of mine to meet someone that I actually feel like I could settle down with and have a good life. I feel like I've found that person. It's amazing how my boyfriend and I are changing for the better since we started dating. Everything seems so much better and life in general is a lot nicer. I'm just so impressed by the person that he is and the things that he does without even realizing how special they are to me. I love him so much that at times I'm left reeling from the shock of it all. I'm the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life and my boyfriend plays a big role in that.
"Your love is better than chocolate it's better than anything else that I've tried" from Icecream by Sarah McLachlan
Friday, November 08, 2002
Yet another Friday here in lovely Michigan. My phone is ringing off the hook with computer users with problems. It's like there was some company wide memo saying "If you have you have a problem please wait until friday to call it in". I swear to God. These people don't know their brains from a hole in the wall. We (as in EDS) have told the clients if you need to have anything moved, installed, or added, you have to allow us at least 2 days so that we can get the software of facilitate the move but we still get people calling and expecting their work to be done that day. I want to say look what makes you more special than every other employee who's smart enough to follow the rules? Oh well. I went out to Menjo's last night with Paul. Now Paul is a good friend of mine who moved from Columbus to Detroit. Paul and I have an ironic history because I met Paul before I met Patrick and long before I ever even started going down to Columbus. Paul and I met because he thought I was attractive and was flirting with yours truly well needless to say we hit it off and planned on going on a date. We set a time and everything. I went out shopping and wore the very shirt I'm wearing as I type this blog. It's a nice blue button down with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows, kind of preppy but nice looking. Anyways on my way to our date I got pulled over for my expired tabs on my license plate (forshadowing later tragic events). So I called Paul to let him know that I'd be a little late. Well I go to call him once I arrive at the place where we're supposed to meet and I get his voicemail. So I try calling him again and again and get his voicemail every time. Well I'm fuming pissed because I keep getting his voicemail and there's no sign of him anywhere so I leave thinking that I've been stood up. Well hours later as I'm gettting ready to go out to the bar (if at first succeed try try again) and I get a call on my cell phone. It's Paul! Apparently his cell phone's battery died and that's why I couldn't get a hold of him and he was looking for me too. So needless to say we never had that date. Well Paul got busy with work and I got busy with being social and then I met Patrick and that part was history. But Paul and I have remained good friends and I'm glad to have him as that if nothing else. He respects my relationship with Patrick and wishes us all the happiness in the world. So I turn out to be the lucky one in all of this because I have a new great friend and a wonderfull boyfriend. Paul and I had a blast last night and got pretty buzzed but all it was a great night.
"J'ai vu ton mec avec une autre fille, Il semblait dans un autre monde(Va) te Cacher Sunday Girl" from Sunday Girl by Blondie
Thursday, November 07, 2002
So I just started reading the book "Wicked" (the life and times of the wicked witch of the west). It's an incredible book but despite it's great writing there's just one hurdle I can't jump. Glinda the good witch is a cunt. Pardon my use of the word but it's truly the best way to describe her in this book. So far I'd highly recommend this book. It's interesting insightfull and challenging while still managing to be a fairly easy read. It's somewhat lengthy for the average reader but seems well worth it. Yep that's it that's the ol nightmare's excitement for today. I'm still on hiatus from fixing my pop up windows because I can't quite stomach the thought of looking at anymore html scripting at this time.
"I put a spell on you to show that you're mine" from I Put a Spell on You by Nina Simone
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
photo's can be seen here http://www.nightmareboy.com/pop.html
pardon my french but at least for the moment. FUCK POPUP windows. I promise I'll still see if I can possibly figure out how to get them fixed but at the moment if I look at one more bit of html scripting I'll puke. Thanks for the patience
♥I have the best boyfriend in the world♥
working with this webpage is like tinkering with a car while driving it. I'm trying to get my popup windows to come up in the appropriate sizes I'll see what I can do!
So a big thank is in order to anyone other than myself who's actually been reading the tripe I've been writing for the past couple of weeks. I've been in kind of a funk and been too tired from my weekend activities to write anything semi insightfull. Things are changing for me though on the inside and it's kinda weird. I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to truly achieve some level of perminant happiness. I've thought that long and hard about the idea of happiness and the reality. There's a very weird juxstapositon between what we think will make us happy and what actually does. Like I thought that having a boyfriend and being in a somewhat stable relationship would solve some of my problems and it did but it created more along the way. The funniest thing I've found is it isn't the big hooplas with bells and whistles that make me the most happy, it's the little tiny specks of happiness that float to the surface from day to day that really shine like gold. Like yesterday when I saw my best friend Jill and we sat and talked and bullshitted about nothing for 3 hours straight. That was one of the best moments I've had ALL week. So I'm coming to find out that it's the little moments that are the best because they leave the longest lasting impressions.
"Head over heels where should I go can't stop myself out of control" from Head over Heels by The GoGo's
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
some days are just harder than others and sometimes somethings seem way too close to home. Oh well I suppose that's the price I pay for being happy 70% percent of the time is the fact that 10% of the time I'm going to feel like $hit. I need a little less deppresion in my life and a little more good news. ♠
"I'm haunted by the lifes that I have loved and actions I have hated" from Haunted by Poe
Some things seem never ending. Like adjusting this god awfull html script if I wasn't such an anal retentive perfectionist then there'd be all sorts of things that were off kilter about this little site of mine. Oh well practice makes perfect. :-)
so today I'm working on yet another update to the ol web a roonie. Today's project is updating my links page and my about me page to be a little more with it. Other than it's Tuesday in the midwest. What can be said about that other than dullsville. Oh bu well hopefully things will pick up in a little bit.
"No bye, No Aloha," from No Aloha by the Amps (aka Tammy and the Amps)
Monday, November 04, 2002
I'm a crafty little devil. I don't know why but I really enjoy updating this webpage and adding all sorts of interesting touches to it. I hope that it is enjoyed. My boyfriend commented that he thought my sight now looked like an easter egg. Actually what it's supposed to look like is the colors of one of my favorite plaid sweaters since it is now winter time. I know the pink scroll bars are a little bit girly but I like the way this website has turned out. It only took me a day to do it which is a record for yours truly. I feel accomplished!!!! Look for an updated about me section, and links page coming soon. ♦
So there you have it. I've done it again. I was just bored and thought I'd give my website a little more color. This website also looks a HELL of a lot better than it did from a mac. I'm pleased. Other than this little bit of tinkering my day has been somewhat normal if not blaize. Oh well I suppose everyday can't be exciting. What a shame that is.
"Oh make me over, I'm all I wanna be" from Celebrity Skin by Hole
Today I am tired and beat. I was in the car yesterday for 5 1/2 hours driving all over Michigan and Ohio and on NO sleep. Today I don't feel all that bad just under rested. Oh well I'll get back to normal sometime today hopefully.
it's too early I'm too tired and I need to stop staying up ALL night on the weekend. More later when my brain catches up to my body.
Sunday, November 03, 2002
so I was notified that my photos section wasn't working by a great guy. Well the good news is I'm not a total drip and I think I managed to get it up and running. Thanks everyone for the patience. I'll get this html thing down one day, I swear!
So I'm currently sitting at my boyfriends computer while he and our friend Daryl get ready to go out for the evening. It's amazing how I feel when I'm around him. I'm me but more so. I just love the time we get to spend together and value every minute. It feels like my bad luck curse is finally over so I can get back to life as normal. I got the note from my best friend emmalee and want to say that I love her much and can't wait to see her which I plan on doing very soon. I'm just in a state of bliss right now and fell increadible. The night is young and full of love. I'm just happy to be around to experience it. More on Monday. For now out for some fun! ♠
"It's a fine day people open windows they leave their houses just for a short walk" from It's a Fine Day by Miss Jane
Friday, November 01, 2002
Just a quick note about my weekend. Somehow I managed to survive the weekend in tact. I'm so happy because I get to go see my boyfriend after all which I didn't think I'd get to because of the problem I was having with my car window. So there is a silver lining after all. I'm just glad to be getting the hell away from here. My bad luck isn't quite gone however it is in remission (I left my license at home a 1/2 hour out of my way, Oh well). I think everything will end up working out A-OK. I certainly hope so. :)
"When You are ready I will surrender take me and do as you will" from Sing It Back by Moloko ♠
Today's post consists of an Idea that I had for a sitcom on comedy central, It's a little bit different.
George (pronounced Whore Hey) and Bess A delightful situational comedy about what happens when a prostitute and her pimp are forced to leave the slums of New York and go into hiding in the suburbs of Vermont. How will Bess adjust to her new life outside the big city?
Starring:
1. Sandra Bernhard as Bess
2. Cheech Maron as George
3. Tammy Faye Mesner as Norma Peterson
4. George Hamilton as Skip Peterson
5. Mary Kate Olson as Peggy Peterson
1. Episode one: You got some ‘splaning to do – Bess steals money from George to buy smack and has some “Splanig to do” until she runs into a streak of good luck when neighbor Norma Peterson suggests that Bess hold a church bake sale to raise the money to pay George back. Bess ends up selling a lot more than cookies and there’s enough money left over for the church to buy a brand new set of King James bibles.
2. Episode Two: The big talk – When Bess’s neighbor Norma Peterson comes down with a bad case of the flu the day she’s supposed to host a meeting of the neighborhood girl scouts it’s Bess to the rescue! Bess volunteers to have the girl scouts meeting for Norma and when Bess fails to impress the girls with a taffy pull she decides it’s time to give these girls “the big talk”.
3. Episode Three: Cotillion Confusion – The girls only have three days until their very first cotillion and are nervous about their dates. Never fear Bess is here! A little well placed advice from Bess proves to go a long way and saves the girls the embarrassment of being shy around the backseat.
Thursday, October 31, 2002
I'm cursed. That's it plain and simple. My luck is SO fucked up. When everythings good it's the best but when everythings fucked up it is the abyss of hell. Now you might ask what brought about such a rant, simple. After going and signing over a $250 bond in my name and going to the tow yard to pick up my impounded car and paying $130 to get that out I noticed that the window in my car was rolled down on the passengers side. IT'S BEEN ROLLED DOWN FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS. Well as if that wasn't bad enough it wouldn't roll up. The glass had slipped it's runner. So now the ONLY thing that I've been looking forward to was seeing my boyfriend this weekend and now because he's got appointments all Saturday and a trainers meeting on Sunday he won't be able to drive up here and I certainly can't drive 3/12 hours with possible snow fall on the horizon. I'm sorry to say this but just strike me with a damned lightning bolt it would be a hell of a lot quicker and a lot less expensive.
"I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee" from You're so Vain by Carley Simon
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
A lot of times I find myself blathering into this blog like the mouth of a telephone. The only nice thing is I don't always know who's on the other end. I originally created this blog as a way to keep a diary because I'm to lazy to keep one on paper and figured that this was the way to go. It's still pretty much the same forum. I don't really care who reads it and I'm not so interested in why. If you do great if not oh well. I can't promise excitement and incitefull thought all the time but when I do get an exciting thought it's a lulu. Lately I've been wondering what's really missing from my life. Not all the bullshit that I've been huffing and puffing about and I've come to realize that the only thing I'm missing right now is a purpose of my very own. I don't know where to go. I think I'm on the right path but am still unsure hopefully the path towards adulthood will prove to have some insight in what it is.
10 Thoughts for today.
1. My life is boring but that's okay because it is REAL life.
2. I wish I had the wit and forthought that some other blog writers have but I guess that that like other things is something that I hopefully will aquire with age
3. Don Imus is one of the biggest @ssholes that I've ever heard in my entire life but somehow he makes it look good.
4. My friend Darrel was right when I was locked in that jail I shouldn't have been worried about how I was going to see my boyfriend that weekend I should have been worried about how I was going to avoid being somebodies BITCH 5. I really need to call my best friend Jill and go have a drink with her
6. I'm obsessed with improving my blog. It's like improving my house. There are still leaks in the ceiling that need repairs
7. I've got to get out of Michigan before I end up spending the rest of my life here. Don't laugh I've seen people do it
8. I've GOT to go back to college and get a d@mned degree
9. Money gives power, power to protect the money
10. the best things in life are free
So today is like any other day. I'm sorry to say that my life truly is boring at some points. I don't have anything extreme going on right now other than my whole court deal which happens this week. Thank god. You ever try having a car for and learning to depend on it for 5 years to suddenly have it taken away? It sucks. In fact it's almost as bad as cutting off my damn legs especially in the shitscape of Michigan where everything is at least a 1/2 hour drive. I think I'll call my best friend Jill and see what the heck she's been up to since she moved back in with her parents..............
"There she goes, There she goes again chasing through my brain..." from There She Goes By The La's
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
My most sincere apologies to all those anyone on a mac viewing my webpage. I designed this page in Microsoft frontpage never knowing that the basic html coding wouldn't transfer over so cleanly to a Macintosh computer. Sorry if my website looks like poo :(
Today as I was walking back from the break room at work I had a mini revelation about my life. I was thinking about my boyfriend as I often do and realized something. Since I've been with him I've been on a journey in a sense. I've grown to love him so much and realized that I am as Sarah McLachlan puts it so accurately fumbling towards ecstacy. I've been trying to find myself in this as much as I've been establishing a relationship with my boyfriend. I've come to realize what he means to me and what sacrifices I'm willing to make towards our relationship. I'm scared and excited about the prospects of our relationship. For me it's like walking through a completely foreign territory even though my boyfriend walks with such sure footing. For me this is probably the sweetest love I'll ever have because I've come to realize that it's my first true love.
"And if I shed a tear I won't cage it, I won't fear love" from Fumbling Towards Ecstacy by Sarah McLachlan
Monday, October 28, 2002
I've changed Today's Quote but for God knows what reason it won't post. So today's Quote comes from the Movie "Jackie's Back". The quote is Bring Momma her cough medicine and make a double, Antandra
So last night was a doozy. My weekend in Chicago was fun but I did a little too much partying and not enough sleeping. I barely got 8 hours of sleep the whole weekend. I was on my way home from the airport last night and was driving through Livonia when a cop pulled me over. Now you must understand this first. Livonia IS the only city I have ever been pulled over in, in my LIFE. Every f*cking ticket from speeding to failure to yield was given to me by an @sshole Livonia cop. So as I'm driving home from the airport I realize that I have to go through Livonia and I start to think about my expired license plates (I've already had 2 ticket on them but I can't get to the d@mned secretary of state because of the fact that I work from 9:30 -6:30 and there isn't a secretary of state within an hours time of my work) and I have the premanition that I'm going to get pulled over tonight. So sure enough as I'm driving down the highway who should appear but a Livonia cop. I tell him I know that my plates are expired ya da ya da ya da and that I'll get them renewed as soon as possible. He goes and looks up my information and then comes back and asks me to step out of the car. Now here's were my night became fun, as it turns out I'm being arrested and there's a bench warrent out for my arrest. I find out that one of the checks that I wrote to have a ticket taken care of bounced. So the cop searches through my car and all of my personal belongings and then hauls me off to the police station. I'm allowed to call my parents who were less than thrilled and I'm put in a holding cell until they arrive. My car is also impounded. I don't get out of the holding cell until 2:00 in the morning, I find out that my license is suspended until I can go to court to have that cleared up and lastly my father has to drive me to work bitching and preaching to me the whole way about how I need to learn to handle my finances better. Oh yeah and now I'm stuck at work and it's busy as hell. (Sometimes I feel like I'm some sort of cosmic joke).
"I'm no fucking budhest but this enlightenment" from Alarm call by Bjork
